It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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