He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
