what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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