I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
