In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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