I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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