she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
