you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
