Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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