I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well you can't waste a boner
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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