Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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