At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
