Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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