I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
