with your own penis?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
