you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
