hotel room ftw
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
