she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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