Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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