Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
