I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
