I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
