I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
