I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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