Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
