I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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