if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
