I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
