I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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