I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
