Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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