I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
