i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
