My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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