i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
