i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.