I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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