In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...