38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.