so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
