The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
