He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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