i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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