Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (5276) Bad night (634)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?

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  (309): is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring? http://tfl.nu/8ib1
  Replies (42) Good night (1473) Bad night (4221)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.

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  (902): Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight. http://tfl.nu/0w7l
  Replies (25) Good night (4515) Bad night (637)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

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  (501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy
  Replies (11) Good night (3528) Bad night (1286)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3747) Bad night (837)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...

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  (605): I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling. (307): I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name... http://tfl.nu/8rf6
  Replies (3) Good night (1843) Bad night (608)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.

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  (908): I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though. http://tfl.nu/x1vh
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (501)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know

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  (585): Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know http://tfl.nu/3xrv
  Replies (4) Good night (476) Bad night (2081)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.

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  (507): My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu. http://tfl.nu/j0iq
  Replies (8) Good night (810) Bad night (1260)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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  (816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (469)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.

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  (541): But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying. http://tfl.nu/1lth
  Replies (5) Good night (1196) Bad night (396)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.

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  (970): I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot. http://tfl.nu/spo7
  Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (304)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I felt guilty, it was so good!

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.

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  (727): I felt guilty, it was so good! (1-727): Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/6lic
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (368)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit

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  (585): Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit http://tfl.nu/5lf7
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (281)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.

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  (+44): They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota. http://tfl.nu/vw9g
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (242)

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