Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
