She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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