walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i believe in u and ur pee
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
