therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
