so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
