it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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