brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Vodka?
Forever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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