I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
