I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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