she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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