you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
