Who wears a wallet chain?!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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