I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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