How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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