Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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