I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
