Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
