You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
