dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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