He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
