Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
