He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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