We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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