told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
