Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was born a porn star she said
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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