Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
