Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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