She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
