What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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