Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
