apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
