it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So much rum. So many feels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
