I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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