If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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