So drunk its hurt
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
