wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
