i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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