grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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