fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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