What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
