Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
