Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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